i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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