Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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