Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
