I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up under a house in Key West
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