and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
