He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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