fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
