The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
