the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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