I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
