Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
