if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
