I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is Oprah even human
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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