We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
COCAINE IS GR8
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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