Ketchup is God's man juice
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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