shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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