I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
