Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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