Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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