Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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