From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
only you would photoshop your dick
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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