haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
