Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
