Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
