my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
