i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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