did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I am morally bankrupt
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
