WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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