READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
