The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
"it" just moved
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Green mimosas i think yes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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