Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My first STD was from a foam party
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
