Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Panties = found
Randomize
