AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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