I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
