you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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