His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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