You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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