He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
