would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
