LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have aggressive nipples.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
