I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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