You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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