To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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