I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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