I faked an abortion last night.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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