Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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