as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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