idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
