I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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