My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
