rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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