my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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