What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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