It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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