I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
