wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
