Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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