just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
