You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
