you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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