is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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