where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my liver is dry heaving
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
