Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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