I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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