I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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