we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
