every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
