Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We have started to decorate penises.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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