fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
