i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
