I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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