You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
