Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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