i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
