it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
