Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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